Room in Shared House, Well-Maintained, Quiet Neighborhood, Non-Negotiable Rules $700/mo (Prellith Ridge)

Room for rent in a three-bedroom house in Prellith Ridge. Shared kitchen, shared living room, shared responsibility for maintaining what I've built here. I am not your mother. I am, however, someone who has replaced a bathroom door three times and has strong opinions about what "shared space" means.

House rules:

• Kitchen closes at 10 PM. Not "winds down." Closes.
• Shower use limited to 12 minutes. I will know.
• No guests on Wednesdays. I don't owe you a reason for this.
• The garage is mine. The door to the garage is locked. The second door to the garage, the one you'll find behind the pantry shelf, is also locked. That shelf is load-bearing. Do not move it.
• No Fart Rooms deployed on the premises. This was not originally a rule. Someone made it a rule. That someone no longer lives here.
• If you hear something in the walls, it's the house settling. The house has been settling for nine years. It settles loudly and at irregular intervals. This is fine.

$700/mo. References required. I will ask your previous landlord specifically about your noise level, your cooking habits, and whether you have ever conducted any kind of experiment inside a residential property. You'd be surprised how often the answer to that last one is yes.